Mahogamy?


ModernistWoodworker

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Shopping in my local Woodcraft this weekend, I saw the following sign in the finishing section:

 

post-15054-0-86121800-1393910472_thumb.j

 

Obviously someone stocking the shelves has a sense of humor.  But I thought it even funnier because I misread the sign and thought it said "Mahogamy".  Looked up the word on Urban Dictionary in the aisle using my phone, and of course someone had thought of this before:

 

(n.) Having a relationship with only one species of wood for the rest of your life.
 
Which of course begs the question: Have you ever found yourself in a mahogamous relationship?
Now we all know about Matt's lifelong love affair with pine...for which he spurns other, more exotic species like walnut and cherry.  Myself, Ive been a one-species man ever since I started my maple Roubo bench build back in December (Although waiting for Schwarz's Campaign Furniture book to come out I'm anticipating a *very* expensive fling with teak in my future)
 
How about you?  Have you found yourself getting mahogamous with a certain species?  Do you find this to be a healthy relationship, or do you often pine (sorry Matt) for greener pastures?
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It takes a special guy to stay faithful to a hag like Pine, to be able to look past all her faults...how dull and boring she is, her bowed legs, how she bruises if she's merely breathed on wrong, or how the incisions from her plastic surgeries leave jagged scars because she refuses to cut cleanly, even under the doctor's sharpest scalpel.

 

It would be easy to be mahogamous with a beauty like Mahogany...if only she were the type to settle down.  But she's not.  She's always coming and going as she pleases, impossible to predict when she might grace you with her presence or when she'll disappear for months or even years at a time.  So usually you're stuck with her little sister, with her bland complexion, her stringy hair and her hangnails.  You slather makeup on her, trying to pretend she's the real thing, but it never is.  You still dream about Mahogany.  You wonder where she is tonight.  Probably being stroked by some other guy's tool on a whole other continent.

Eric, two things.

 

1) I can't believe you came up with all of that. I feel as though you did not pause once while writing it.

 

2) I can't believe I read the whole thing like I was reading a suspenseful novel.

 

You might have something on your hands here. 50 shades of stain?

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They say, once you go Wenge you'll never go back. With her dark complexion oh so brown, you just know you can't resist her exotic looks.  After all, her roots are in Africa, where she broke off from the family tree. You rarely see her not looking her best and because she's not a cheap date you always hold on to her waste, as if you'll never see her again. She can be hard to work with and sometimes gets under your skin, but it's all worth it in the end. If you find her and she's chunky, don't fear, you can shave her down from top to bottom to reveal her inner beauty. Sure some of the white woods are nice, but you can pick that up in lowes when you're not even looking for a date with wood. To find a real beauty like Wenge, you must search long and hard.

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Guys, the mortise and tenon scene is coming up soon!

 

 

They say, once you go Wenge you'll never go back. With her dark complexion oh so brown, you just know you can't resist her exotic looks.  After all, her roots are in Africa, where she broke off from the family tree. You rarely see her not looking her best and because she's not a cheap date you always hold on to her waste, as if you'll never see her again. She can be hard to work with and sometimes gets under your skin, but it's all worth it in the end. If you find her and she's chunky, don't fear, you can shave her down from top to bottom to reveal her inner beauty. Sure some of the white woods are nice, but you can pick that up in lowes when you're not even looking for a date with wood. To find a real beauty like Wenge, you must search long and hard.

I'm in class right now, and I feel there is going to be an awkward moment when someone is peering over my shoulder reading these thinking I am really into some woodworking erotica.

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They say, once you go Wenge you'll never go back. With her dark complexion oh so brown, you just know you can't resist her exotic looks. After all, her roots are in Africa, where she broke off from the family tree. You rarely see her not looking her best and because she's not a cheap date you always hold on to her waste, as if you'll never see her again. She can be hard to work with and sometimes gets under your skin, but it's all worth it in the end. If you find her and she's chunky, don't fear, you can shave her down from top to bottom to reveal her inner beauty. Sure some of the white woods are nice, but you can pick that up in lowes when you're not even looking for a date with wood. To find a real beauty like Wenge, you must search long and hard.

I expected these dreams about ebony and being forced to settle for her gray haired sister.

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Anyone got anything witty for wenge?

 

 

"Who's got Wenge Fevor?"

"I've got Wenge Fevor."

 

No, seriously, I was around my neighbor cutting some for a side project.  I sneezed.  A bunch. 

 

Maybe Mahogamy for wenge and me just isn't possible.

 

-josh

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