My final gift to my wife, and my final post of this thread.

[treeslayer]

A good woman is a gift, I thank the Lord for mine every day, sitting in my favorite chair watching her decorate our Christmas tree, think of you every day Rick. 

[Mark J]

Greiving is probably the the hardest thing we humans have to do.  I lost my sister 23 years ago.  It was 10 years before I could speak of it and 15 years before I could speak of it without crying.  I think of her often, but I still keep her photographs in a safe place where I won't wander into them.  

[Chip Sawdust]

Richard I just saw this thread, so I'm sorry for the late condolences. But they are heartfelt. God bless you and your family, and I know God blesses your wife, as she smiles constantly, buoyed by your unending love. 

Treeslayer just said it above so simply and well, a good woman is a gift, and God's greatest gift to a man. You have been blessed to have her in your life and she stays with you even after, which leaves a hollow space in the physical but still has a full and complete part of your heart, which we carry all our lives.

Thank you for sharing. The woodwork was beautiful and I'm sure she appreciates it all the more because you and friends put your personal love and energy into it. 

David

[Coop]

3 minutes ago, Chip Sawdust said:

Richard I just saw this thread, so I'm sorry for the late condolences. But they are heartfelt. God bless you and your family, and I know God blesses your wife, as she smiles constantly, buoyed by your unending love. 

Treeslayer just said it above so simply and well, a good woman is a gift, and God's greatest gift to a man. You have been blessed to have her in your life and she stays with you even after, which leaves a hollow space in the physical but still has a full and complete part of your heart, which we carry all our lives.

Thank you for sharing. The woodwork was beautiful and I'm sure she appreciates it all the more because you and friends put your personal love and energy into it. 

David

If I could “like” this a dozen times, I would. Well said by both you and Dave! I’ve met Rick personally more than once and the boy is no slouch. He has stamina and will pull thru with our help. 

[rodger.]

Sorry I am late with my condolences. Thank you for sharing your story. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[RichardA]

I got a call from the funeral home the other day, and they told me, that Linda's grave marker was in and I could come and get it,or they could drive there and install it.  I picked it up, and plan to go to the grave site on December 30th and do the installation. December 30th is our anniversary as well as my birthday.  I'll get some pictures when I get it installed. I need to talk with her anyway.  

[mat60]

Im not here often lately but you have been in my thoughts often. As you no its been a ruff year for Barbara and I and its been hard to even think of things to come one day never mind dealing with it when it happens as you are.  Very sad thing and Im sorry Rick.

[Isaac]

I apologize for not seeing this one earlier as well, but also want to express my condolences. What a sweet tribute to your love. Glad you’ve had some friends helping you through this. 

[Byrdie]

Had some down time at work, haven't been active on here in a few years (about 4), thought I'd drop in and catch up a bit on what I've been missing.  I don't want to make this about me so I hope the following conveys what it's intended to:

Y'all made me cry ... at work.  I'm hoping nobody walks up to ask me a question.

There will be many times you think, "I should remember to tell her about this." and then remember that she probably already knows.  There will be other times you think, "She would like this." and then realize that she already does.  We call it loss, but they never really leave us.  There there in the whisper of a breeze, the turn of a phrase, the smell of a flower or fresh baked cookies.  Reminders are all around as of the blessings of the short time we have together.  Enjoy the memories as you consider your loss.  I'm thankful for the time you got to spend with your angel.

Now I need a new, unused tissue.

[RichardA]

40 minutes ago, Byrdie said:

Had some down time at work, haven't been active on here in a few years (about 4), thought I'd drop in and catch up a bit on what I've been missing.  I don't want to make this about me so I hope the following conveys what it's intended to:

Y'all made me cry ... at work.  I'm hoping nobody walks up to ask me a question.

There will be many times you think, "I should remember to tell her about this." and then remember that she probably already knows.  There will be other times you think, "She would like this." and then realize that she already does.  We call it loss, but they never really leave us.  There there in the whisper of a breeze, the turn of a phrase, the smell of a flower or fresh baked cookies.  Reminders are all around as of the blessings of the short time we have together.  Enjoy the memories as you consider your loss.  I'm thankful for the time you got to spend with your angel.

Now I need a new, unused tissue.

It's been quite awhile since we've heard from you. Welcome back.  This was not an effort to make you cry.  I've been doing that for a year or two, mostly without my wife knowing it. Her last couple of years were painful to watch, and try to help make it easier for her never seemed to do any good. I've been finding notes here and there that she wrote, describing what she was going through. And nearly every one of them ended with  "Am  I ever going to be normal again"? The destructive force of that question, did and still does rip my heart out.   Stick around for a few more days, I'm thinking about closing this thread down, but first I have one more thing to add to it, and that happens Sunday.  Hang around for that if you would.

[Byrdie]

Thanks for the kind words and the reply Rick.  Don't worry about the crying.  For you it's necessary.  For me it's a combination of how much you touched my heart and a condition I have that keeps my emotions close to the surface.  I'll be around, promise.

[RichardA]

This is the last post for me in this thread.  The reason is that there is this one thing to add to it, to complete it.  A few weeks ago, the funeral home called me and told me that the marker I ordered had come in. They wanted to know if they were going to drive the 50 miles to do the install.  I told them no, and I'll be up in a few minutes to pick it up.  It's been riding around in my car for 15 or 20 days, and today I took it to the grave of my wife.  I waited til today for this reason.   Today would be our 21st anniversary.  And I wanted to share that date with the Lady I love.  Ya see, my wife is buried next to her Father in a graveyard named after her Maiden name. The O'Dear Cemetery. Linda's Maiden name was Linda Kay O'Dear. 

  I arrived there about 9:20 this morning and took a couple of general pics before I started prepping the ground for her Marker.  It wasn't all that difficult, the ground was soft, since It doesn't seem to stop raining here this year.  After a few shovels full, the ground was ready for the Marker.  It's granite and 25" long by 14" tall, and about 6" thick.  I can assure you that it wasn't light.  It weighed a little over 110 pounds, but I got it out of the car and walked the 20 feet and put it in it's final place. I guess I should mention that I turned 76 today as well, and an old fart like me, shouldn't try picking up that much, much less walk it 20 feet, and gently lay it in place. But it was for my wife, and I'll do anything for her, even now.  I filled in around it, and brought out a camp chair and I sat down to  recover and to start a conversation with the love of my life.  I sat there for close to 2 hours talking to her, all the while tears were pouring down my face.  It's the very first conversation I've ever had with her where she didn't interrupt me. That to was unnerving.  I don't know what the end result of today is going to be, some say closure, I say confusion.  I've done all I can for her now, except try and live my life the way she would approve. And I'll give that a try.   Thank every one of you who participated in this thread, every one of you have made this trial just a little easier.  Here's the final pics of this final post.  Again, I thank every one of you.  ..............Rick      She now rest's High on that Mountain.

[Coop]

The marker is beautiful and I’m sure she’s looking down, pleased at her final earthly resting place. I do hope you placing it there yourself brings you a bit of closure and that you can carry own your life as you suggest, “ the way she would approve”. You done good young man and Happy Birthday. 

[Chet]

76 or 106 when doing something like setting your wife's headstone, the man above is going to give you all the strength you need.  I am sure you will keep Linda and this day in your heart for ever.

[..Kev]

Prayers for you and your family Richard.   I know that wasn't easy for you and I'm glad you took some time to spend with her and try to get your thoughts together.

 

[treeslayer]

Well done my friend, you are an inspiration to all of us, your caring and thoughtfulness thru all of this shows us how we can be better men ourselves, Linda will always be with you and smiling down. My personal thanks for including all of us along this very difficult path. 

[freedhardwoods]

Since I tend to disappear from internet forums for weeks at a time, I just found this thread.

I'm very sorry for your loss. The casket looks very nice, and I'm sure was a very difficult project to do.

Building the casket and setting the stone yourself is more than almost anyone else would do.

I'll be praying for you as you continue your journey in this life.

[RichardA]

1 hour ago, ..Kev said:

Prayers for you and your family Richard.   I know that wasn't easy for you and I'm glad you took some time to spend with her and try to get your thoughts together.

 

 

47 minutes ago, treeslayer said:

Well done my friend, you are an inspiration to all of us, your caring and thoughtfulness thru all of this shows us how we can be better men ourselves, Linda will always be with you and smiling down. My personal thanks for including all of us along this very difficult path. 

I know it's not normal, but then I've never been considered that, but while I was talking to Linda today, you both came up, for the inspiration you guys have sent my way.  She was stubborn today and didn't even say thank you..  I'm sure she meant to, or did, but I may be to far gone to hear her.

[RichardA]

3 minutes ago, freedhardwoods said:

Since I tend to disappear from internet forums for weeks at a time, I just found this thread.

I'm very sorry for your loss. The casket looks very nice, and I'm sure was a very difficult project to do.

Building the casket and setting the stone yourself is more than almost anyone else would do.

I'll be praying for you as you continue your journey in this life.

I've found in my 76 years that if you expect someone to do something for you, the odds are that you'll be disappointed.  I couldn't allow my wife to be buried in a casket that was built on a conveyor belt. It had to be very personal, and as hard as it was, it was extremely satisfying, though painful. Setting the stone was no different.  She is my wife, and I'll take care of all her needs, just as I did the previous 21 years.  She extended my life by 21 years, I could do no less for her.   Thanks.

[wtnhighlander]

To quote someone I think highly of:

You done good, young 'un.

 

[Mick S]

5 hours ago, RichardA said:

It's the very first conversation I've ever had with her where she didn't interrupt me. That to was unnerving.

Rick, as has been said, hopefully this will begin a path to closure for you. As usual, you bring the gift of levity to what had to be one of life's greatest challenges. You have honored her in the best, and most personal of ways.

Happy birthday!

PS - My parents married on this day, 1947.

[Spanky]

Happy Birthday Rick............. Everyday will get alittle better.

[Brendon_t]

Rick, your post from today brought me to tears sitting in my chair in the shop. I cannot fathom the pain, but I'm so happy for you, for those 21 incredible years.

[RichardA]

1 hour ago, Mick S said:

Rick, as has been said, hopefully this will begin a path to closure for you. As usual, you bring the gift of levity to what had to be one of life's greatest challenges. You have honored her in the best, and most personal of ways.

Happy birthday!

PS - My parents married on this day, 1947.

I was only 5 when they married..  But look at what they produced.   You, my friend, so the 30th of December has to be a good omen and day.

[RichardA]

56 minutes ago, Spanky said:

Happy Birthday Rick............. Everyday will get alittle better.

I sure as hell hope so Rickey.